Your personality: 2.0

In this day and age, when we expect the newest model in our cars, software, and all our gadgets from ipod, to ipad, why not upgrading to the newesself improvementt version of “I”, oneself?

A friend of mine ends all her emails with, “any day above ground is a good day, so live it up.”  I say, any day above ground is a good day to change what we don’t like about ourselves and work towards the new version, 2.0.

I often think of one of my favorite TV shows, “Nip/Tuck,” the black comedrama which always opens with one of the plastic surgeons asking the prospect patient, “So what is it you don’t like about yourself?”  The irony being, of course, that no scalpel can excise the discontent one may have with one’s inner core, and one’s inner core is really where true self-love comes from.

Personally, I’m pretty happy about my physical self and appearance.  I got lucky and inherited some pretty good hand-me down genes from both my parents. While I didn’t get mom’s blue eyes, her genetic German stock married happily with my dad’s DNA contribution, and my pop gave me long eyelashes, good legs, and his fast metabolism, fortunately.  I watch what I eat pretty well, and I’m active, so I have so-far kept the age’s grim hand from sketching too heavily over the original draft.

But going back to the horsehair inside the couch…that’s another ball of wax (don’t think I don’t mix metaphors for nothing…I do it for sheer orneryness).  The inside–me, myself, and I.  That part of me, the inner core, I force through more boot camp and attempt to put through more upgrade installations, self-checks, virus-scans and defragmentations than on any other entity in my sphere.  Yes, I’m a self-improvement junkie.

I’ve recently questioning a little more acutely who I am because I have my eye on a certain someone who in my eyes is all that is beautiful in an individual…outgoing, high energy, social to a fault, if there were one, but that fault would only be being affected or insincere.  He’s not.

I’ve found myself questioning whether I could ever be with him? Would it be possible for us to be compatible?, I ask myself, measuring my social nature along side of his.  I’m not a party animal in the true sense, never really have been, though I do LOVE parties. I’d rather “hang” with a good friend on the side than flit from big group event to event, whereas this man seems to collect people to him (zillions of people almost) like groupies clinging to a rock star.  I feel like I’d be lost among the throng.

Anyway, that insecurity remains somewhat unresolved, but I started to realize that as long as I’m true to myself, being a party animal or not doesn’t matter.  Where I can improve and do want to improve (the first steps in self-change ARE always identifying and intrinsically desiring) is in desiring a more diverse group of people to be my friends.

I’m an ardent dancer, and in dance circles, it’s constantly a challenge to synthesize and make sense/peace/connections with the quirky individuals and personalities that comprise the different dance circles.  There have inevitably been a few people with whom I didn’t get off on the right foot.  Besides the poor guys that I start my first acquaintance with by literally stepping on their toes as we try to waltz off together, there are the even greater number of women at dance with whom you need to do the social boogie-woogie with.  Ladies that you will air-kiss upon entering the dance hall or milonga. Women that you will end up sitting next to, who you will either chatting with in great camaraderie or wind up comparing yourself to in side-long glances, checking which of you is sending out in subtle flares a better body language to tempt that errant solo dancer and lure him to sail over and single you out for the next number.

In the dozen dance places that I frequent, there have been a few women that I didn’t immediately feel like bosom buddies with.  Believe it or not, this bothered me.  Contrary to the common knowledge that not everyone will like you and it’s fruitless to try to please everyone, I seek universal approval. (I know, that’s a security issue I’ll eventually have to work on.  Even Jesus, who–face it–had pretty good odds for being liked with his divine perfection, had some human elements and his detractors.)  Okay, so I say to self, “Self, those women whom I had some conflict with, they have some pretty good points too.  I’ll bet if you gave the situation another chance, and are super friendly to them and put aside and past real or imagined slights, they will come around, and most importantly, you’ll start liking them.”  I have to say, it’s happening.  People that I thought I’d never chose for the closest of my friends are becoming the ones I look forward to seeing as I get to know them better.  And because of my expanded outlook, I’m feeling better about myself.  And even a little more hopeful about Mr. Wonderful.

To summarize, whether it’s being getting over insecurity, shyness, a short-temper, or becoming more friendly, easy-going, punctual, generous, patient, faithful, whatever, as long as we have breath to inhale, and feel the desire, we can be the change we want to see in the world, as we only know the world through ourselves.

Published in: on April 18, 2010 at 5:16 pm  Leave a Comment  
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